14 Lessons For My Younger Self

14 Lessons For My Younger Self

Recently, Women’s Health in Australia asked me to contribute to an article on inspiration and success for their magazine (article below). I was to write a letter to my younger self during that pivotal part of the road where I had experienced huge business loss and was standing at the cross road of my life.

I had two choices back then:
1.Door a – letting failure define me and going back to my old trusted life that wasn’t making me happy, OR
2. Door b – trusting my gut and heading to Bali and setting up my business there. I guess you know which fork in the road I took!

Writing this letter was quite sentimental – It gave me a great reason to actually reflect back on the impact that that monumental choice by my younger self made on my path. I thought about what would have happened if she wasn’t brave enough to make the choice to follow her heart.

It’s not often I look back, as I’m someone that believes we can’t create fabulous futures by looking in the rear vision mirror – yet I also have come to know that it’s important to take stock of what we have done and celebrate our wins too. That there are lessons in our path that can hold the key for our futures.

By doing this it can also help navigate periods of our life where we may have lost confidence and are needing a boost to grow. We can often forget the courageous things we have done in our past, how we have overcome adversity and how we have been brave and defeated our fears. The rear-view mirror can help us reactivate some of those traits of our former self that may be lying dormant due to fear or uncertainty.

The past 6 months I have been navigating the new online world in a bid to save our business and our large team who are depending upon our help and support over this time. I’ve been finding myself in the throes of learning again – going one minute from feeling like I’ve conquered something new to the next, feeling overwhelmed at times by how much of this tech stuff that I don’t know.

It’s challenged me and also bought about a lot of doubt as I wrestled with my need to achieve being compromised while I battled my way through learning all about the virtual world and doing all this tech stuff that isn’t my genius zone!

By being prompted to look back on where I came from and reflecting on those lessons was a great way to lift me out of what Brene Brown cutely terms ‘the suck of the new’!

I think often when we are in the muck, or wading through the stormy waters of the unknown trying to keep our head above water, we can lack perspective of the bigger picture. What if, instead of feeling overwhelmed on what we didn’t know, we reflected back on the all the great decisions our younger self chose that led us to this bright spot? It’s a great way of reinforcing the courage, and commitment we have had. It gives us the belief that we can do it again. Often in life, we end up playing the safer route, following the well-trodden path as we have more to lose the older we get. It’s natural we take less risks especially when we accumulate ‘things’ and have a family and perhaps have gone through a few crisis. We desperately want to avoid losing what we love and going through any pain so we play it safe. Our appetite for risks lessens and before we know it, we are firmly in the safety net of our comfort zone feeling meh and forgetting to go after the things that set our hearts on fire.

Doing this exercise served as a nice reminder of my former bravery. I invite you to do the same for yourself if you are currently experiencing overwhelm or indecision, learning something new and wrestling with fear and uncertainty and need a little boost.

I vividly remember myself sitting in Brazil, head in hands after realizing such a huge loss of savings in a failed venture, a girl with no plan b and only 10K left to her name.Hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? We have the luxury of knowing what was coming and having all the answers when we look back at our past.

The hard thing is when we are in a place of struggle its often hard to get perspective and reach out of fear, so we can activate our wisdom which lies inside all of us.

The last 12 years have taught me a lot about grit, determination and shattered so many beliefs I had about life, love and how to ‘do’ business. Here are 14 of my biggies – many that would have floored my younger self but the wisdom of 12 years has taught and bestowed upon me.

1. Your beliefs become your reality 

Make the biggest, grandest vision for your life for what you ask for and the effort you exchange for it, will become your path. Make sure it’s a good one! Be aware of beliefs that no longer serve you and don’t allow them to steer you off piste. You will become what you believe so really prime your beliefs. Read Louise Hay’s affirmations in periods of doubt and uncertainty and play these daily so they sink in and lift you out of any funk you may find yourself in. You are destined for great things so don’t let limiting beliefs stand in your way.

2. Work on your self belief 

You don’t need to be the smartest person in the room to be successful. Don’t use that as an excuse to not aim high and reach further. If it all came down to mere intellect prowess, then successful entrepreneurs would boast the highest iq’s – they don’t they just choose to activate their self-belief and confidence in their abilities. They tell themselves they can, even when their knocking knees say otherwise. The more you expand outside of your comfort zone the more your confidence grows and you go on to do bigger things as a result. These function as tests that prove to yourself your grit and determination. Next time you feel fear, remember its growing pains as your wings, like a butterfly, are growing so you can fly further up into the sky of your dreams.

3.Routines and Rituals

are what will allow you to step into your primal brilliance. I know you don’t like being caged by the known and crave freedom and newness but believe me, this is a game changer that will give you the ability to reach your dreams. Perfect these, curate them and allow them to enhance your life to its highest levels. They will make all the difference in your success and prime your potential more than anything else will. Focus a lot around the ones dedicated to sleep, morning rituals and exercise as they are the fuel to make you go faster and will elevate your days, your happiness and your life.

4. You are not invincible –

take care of your health. This is probably the biggest lesson I want to bestow on you. Don’t let your wellness slip because you get busy and leave it last on your list. It must be first on your list – health is so foundational to your life. It’s those busy or challenging periods in your life, when you need it to the most.

Like anything important, you may not realise how critical it was until you no longer have it. It’s a long journey when your health bottoms out, but it never has to be this way or get to this point. So, focus on keeping up your wellness and don’t let your need for achievement and success stand in the way of being well. It’s the very thing that will enable you to go far so do it hand in hand and listen to your body.

Working long hours, grafting hard, going to bed late and endless multi-tasking trying to pack as much into your days as possible are not the pathway to your dream. Simply, they will slow you down in the end and when it all falls away what you will be left with is the real question of how to maximise the quality of your life so you can be there for your kids, to see them grow up and be healthy enough to run around after them. That’s what matters the most at the end of everything and family will become your most prized achievement of them all.

Make the right choices now, for them in your future.You will understand what I mean when you create your own family and they change the way you think about everything.

5. Choose happy vs right 

Everyone has a different outlook on life, sure we can share a lot of the same values and visions as people but we are all individuals. Some people will test your values and you may feel like you have been treated unfairly. The only way to please everyone will be to sell ice creams so be easy on yourself and let go of the need to be right or to get your point across. Don’t be self-righteous – allow and respect others views and don’t try to win because you believe they are wrong. It will never make you happy and your big heart will wrestle with making someone feel bad anyway long after the event. Instead, allow those that need to make their points and to be right to ‘win’. That will never impact your happiness but doing the right thing will.

6. The sky won’t fall in henny penny! –

put things in perspective – don’t get distracted on things that don’t really matter. You have limited reservoirs of willpower and energy, so be very careful how and where you choose to use yours and by living in a state of fight and flight you’ll get burn out and be ineffective.

When something doesn’t go according to plan, pause, take a few deep belly breaths and then address the situation. It’s difficult to make rational, smart decisions when you are in fight or flight. By pausing, taking some deep breaths into your belly, you are dropping into rest and digest mode as your breath signifies to your brain that all is well in your world.

From that place your brain is then able to make a good choice. Seek the wisdom of knowing what you can’t control and what you can. Let go of what you can’t control and also perfectionism ideals and instead give yourself permission to take massive imperfect action. You want to enjoy the ride, not be consumed with stress so remember, just breathe.

7. Understand your purpose and share it with your community –

team, suppliers, customers so you connect to others that share the same values and resonate with what you are offering and why you are offering it. When you truly understand your values and purpose, navigating life’s rapids will become a lot easier as will those tough decisions. When you feel conflicted, as you will many times, simply turn to your values and your purpose. They have all the wisdom you need for those tough decisions.

8. Don’t be afraid to edit –

be conscious of what and who you let into your environment. Science tells us that we are the frequency of the people we hang out with the most. Make sure they reflect your beliefs. If you are spending time with people who are holding you back, you will fall behind, if you are spending time with people who are fuelling the fire in your belly, you will thrive.

As we grow older, it’s natural that we are always evolving – We change and others change. Of course, we may grow together or apart, so it makes sense that some people from your past may not be the healthiest for your future. Pay close attention to who is there not only for your successes but for your failures too.

Let them go and release them with love, its ok to make changes and free yourself of anything that may be weighing you down. Don’t waste time on people that talk about others focus on those that talk about things that matter and not other people. Those people will hemorrhage your energy and there are so many others that will elevate and are additive to your life.

The best kind of friendships are fiercely loyal friendships where you passionately believe in each other, support each other and think the other deserves the world. Don’t settle for less.

We model the behaviour of the people we spend our days with. Fill your life with exceptionally excellent, enterprising, healthy, positive, ethical and sincerely loving people. And over time, you’ll exemplify these lofty traits. Allow dream stealers, energy thieves and enthusiasm bandits into your Tight Bubble of Total Focus and please know you’re sure to become like them.”
― Robin S. Sharma,

9. Love conquers all –

The single most important decision of your life is who you choose as your life partner – that will impact the quality of it more than anything else, so don’t settle. Don’t listen to those that tell you your standards are too high, that you are too picky, and make sure you create space in your life for your love.

You will meet the love of your life and experience the most magical trajectory you could imagine, but he will only enter once you have learned your lessons around balance, resolving prior heart break, opening your heart and reducing your workload. Until then, you have work to do! Heart break is part of the passage – accept it and grow from it, don’t allow it to shut you down as until you learn this valuable lesson, he won’t appear. And No guys are not car spaces with the best ones already taken – another myth!

10. Slow down to speed up –

This will be a big one for you that you will struggle with having the belief that hard grafting will guarantee success. It will in the short term and you’ll experience success very quickly, but there will come a point where it can’t be sustained your health will suffer. This may cause long recovery periods that take you right off track. There is a much easier way – learn to seek achievement from your recovery days and plan these in along with recovery rituals – breath work, journaling, yoga, beach walks, spa treatments and sleep. No more computer work in bed!

‘Like other muscles, willpower weakens when tired. Recovery is, therefore, absolutely necessary for the expression of mastery. And to manage decision fatigue.’

11. Believe in magic –

the power of manifestation is something you unknowingly do. Tap into this more, especially being in Bali, the island of manifestation. Be clear on what you want to attract and embody that. It’s the way your dreams come to life quickly. Journalling, Vision Boards and Visualisation Meditation are some methods you can use to master this. 

12. Don’t hesitate –

So many dormant dreams come down to a decision to hesitate. When we hesitate, we signify to the brain we are unsure. Your brain is wired to protect you from failure, fear and anything uncomfortable. So, make a decision quickly and don’t hesitate. The worst place you can be is with two feet in two different lands. You are not committing to either and will be deemed to fail.

Make a decision, like Cortes did, burn the ship and go all in. By burning his ships, Cortes hoped to galvanize and motivate his troops. They knew that they had to be all in, in order to survive. Anything less and you are telling yourself you are going to fail. Tell yourself you are in this before your brains self-preservation mechanism kicks in and stops you.

Nothing amazing came from your comfort zone so get out there and enjoy trying new things and getting dirty!

‘…the soreness of growth is so much less expensive than the devastating costs of regret”

13. Ask for help –

get a coach, join a community – anyone successful has a coach and mentor. Seek those that are living your dreams and talk to them, be coached by them or join their communities. They’ll give you perspective, hold you accountable when you need it, and will ask the right questions, to put it all into perspective. Of course, you can do the ‘go it alone path’ but it will be a lot slower and not as much fun! Accelerate your success by getting support and seeking inspiration in your journey.

14. Use technology consciously –

Don’t let a digital obsession and world, rob you of your potential! It is so easy to fall down the rabbit hole and unknowingly fall into the technology trap of social scrolling. We know that comparison is the thief of joy and technology overuse causes this.

Don’t miss out on the real world as you bury yourself into the make believe fake show ‘a’ reels of other peoples lives on social media. 

‘Inspiration gets fed by isolation, away from the ceaseless digital diversion and mindless over communication that dominates the hours of the majority these days. An addiction to distraction is the end of your creative production.’ Robin Sharma

15. Stay Curious –

I know I said 14, but hey, one more! It’s easy to harden and to stop expanding when life knocks you down by letting failure define you. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to learn from them.You will experience failure many times. What matters most isn’t what happens to you, but how you deal with it and what you do next.

Make sure you continue to be brave and courageous and when you get knocked down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remind yourself that you’ve got this! The world is all yours and you will realise your biggest, grandest dreams, if you continue to dare greatly.

So I guess its up to you what you do with this letter. It’s your choice whether you take it on board now, or put it away and pull it out in 5 years or discover it a decade on – its never too late. If you decide to learn from experience instead, that too is a noble path as  ultimately, its our banana skins that teach us the most fruitful lessons.

Whatever you choose, I can promise you it will be worth it and I thank you for all the choices you make as they led you to a wonderful, rich and love filled life beyond what you can imagine.

Janine (Jen) x

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