5 Steps to Overcoming Mum Guilt

As a woman, becoming a mother is the most incredible experience imaginable. No number of sleepless nights or temper tantrums can deter from the undeniable joy and love that children inspire.

It is common to hear the term ‘selfless’ associated with motherhood. Becoming a mother generally means placing the needs of others before your own and finding ways to juggle the daily demands and obligations of life within a short 24 hour period! That often means things like sleep, long baths and self-care practices in general can often take a back seat!

Motherhood encompasses every emotion. While it’s not always commonly talked about, guilt, or ‘mum guilt’ is certainly something many (if not all!) mothers navigate.

Despite the tantalising allure of a Bali retreat, many mothers tend to consider the idea of getting away on their own an ‘impossibility.’ Or something they will do… someday.

We’ve heard many of these common confessions before…

• I’d love to but I couldn’t leave my children

• I’m not sure my family would cope without me

• They’d miss me too much, I would just feel guilty

• I couldn’t enjoy a holiday with my kids back at home

Sound familiar?

If you are a mother, how does the idea of going away on a solo luxury women’s retreat feel to you? What are the beliefs you have around taking time out just for you?

Last week on retreat we had a mother of a six month old baby on retreat. She had flown from New York and when asked about her reasons for coming on retreat, she shared that she felt burnt out from the responsibilities of being a new mum. The unanimous reaction from every single woman in the world was – good on you for coming on retreat!

As women and mothers, we hold very high expectations of ourselves.

We care deeply about what other women might judge us for. Many mothers believe that taking off on a solo retreat would be judged poorly by other women. Whereas in reality, mothers understand the need for this time out, and will likely be inspired and encouraged to do the same! Dedicated solo time and self care is something ALL women need. The more we can applaud, congratulate and normalise mothers taking time out when needed, the better place the world would be!

Mum guilt can be very hard to overcome. It’s almost programmed into us as women from the moment that first cry of a newborn baby echoes through the room! Of course, it’s natural for women to want to spend so much time with their children. Yet the feelings of mum guilt can impose many self-limiting beliefs and in reality, are not serving anyone. Mum guilt only really leads to feelings of isolation, overwhelm and even resentment in the long term.

The most common realisations from mothers that join us for a Bali retreat are:

• I had no idea I needed this time for myself so much

• I feel so much better equipped to deal with life now that my own cup is full 

• Now I know I can be a better mum when I take time out for myself

• My health and happiness is important for my families health and happiness

These are BIG realisations!

They are also entirely true- when you try to operate from an empty cup, it’s impossible to be truly present and to show up as the best version of yourself. On the other end of the spectrum, when you take time to really nurture yourself, to take time out, to try new things and to simply show up in the world as yourself without the labels and responsibilities, this allows you to step back into your daily life feeling balanced, grounded and refreshed.

If mum guilt still has its grip on you, think about things from another perspective….

Do you want your own children to grow up and value taking care of themselves? Is it important to you that they try new things, experience the world and follow their dreams? The only way to inspire these values in your own children is to model them yourself. So really, you taking time out to nourish your wellbeing and tick off those bucket list adventures is a powerful message to your children to nurture themselves and dream big!

We’ve welcomed thousands of mothers on a Bali retreat over our 15 years operating.

Yes, the first couple of days can feel like a little unnerving for some! However after a long Balinese massage, a delicious chef-prepared dinner, a relaxing flower bath and a long uninterrupted nights sleep- you’ll certainly be wondering why you didn’t do this earlier!

Escaping on a solo adventure also allows your children and your family to step up and become independent too. If you fear how they will manage without you, then it’s probably the perfect opportunity for them to learn some self-care routines too! Trust us, we’ve never had a mother leave a retreat because their family wasn’t coping without them! You stepping aside can actually serve to strengthen other family relationships and bonds. Chances are, it will also allow your family to take stock of just how much you do on a daily basis, meaning they will be filled with love and gratitude upon your return!

Upon returning home though, ideally, you don’t just pick up where you left off. Time on retreat reminds you that you do need time out and that you can also rely on support from your family too. Many women leave retreat with clear ideas on how they can structure their daily lives to commit to that weekly yoga class or monthly day spa visit!

A retreat is just the beginning of loosening the reins of mum guilt and opening you up to a whole new way of being…

Here’s 5 ways a Bali Retreat can help you overcome mum guilt

Reconnect to yourself

Every wonder who you are without the mum label? Do you reminisce about all that you did or all the qualities you liked about yourself prior to motherhood?! This is really common, it’s very easy to feel lost through the journey of being a mum. A Bali retreat allows you time purely for you. Sleep in, journal, enjoy morning yoga, allow your own thoughts to arise and your own feelings to be felt. This is such a special opportunity to reconnect with everything that you love about yourself, just as you are. Feeling all the parts of yourself fully and interconnected allows you to show up as the best version of you.

Follow your day dreams

Nothing is obligatory on retreat so you have the chance to simply tune into your own needs and desires each and every day. If you feel like a sleep in, do it! If you’d rather opt for morning yoga or an early morning beach stroll- the choice is yours. Each day you have the chance to choose which spa treatments you would love to enjoy and what flavour pancakes you would like for breakfast. Free time is for you to fill as you please- wander the local shops in Canggu, take a dip in the ocean, try extra holistic treatments or simply laze by the pool with a good book. There’s no obligations and no expectations. Remember- you following your dreams is a powerful example for your own children to dream big too!

Put your wellbeing first

It’s normal for mothers to place the wellbeing of your children first. A Bali retreat allows you to really nurture yourself on a deeper level. Enjoy yoga and meditation classes. If you’d like to take things up a notch, join the fitness program for extra workouts and fitness adventures. Try Pilates or challenge yourself with a fun surfing retreat. Allow your body to be deeply cared for with spa treatments and feast of delicious healthy meals made fresh every day for you. A Bali retreat is all about attending to your wellbeing. When your cup is overflowing, you have so much more to give to others.

Connect with other women

One of the most incredible experiences on a Bali retreat is the chance to connect with other like-minded women from all over the world. Sharing your own journey and listening to the life stories of others reminds us how similar we are. There will very likely be other cases of ‘mum guilt’ arising on retreat! So you can work through this journey with other women who understand this feeling too. Often as mum it can be common to feel like you’re the only one going through a hard time, especially with social media showcasing the highlight reels of other ‘perfect mums!’ On retreat you are reminded that all women have their own ups and downs and that opening up and allowing yourself to be supported is so powerful, and also, empowering too.

Build your confidence & push your boundaries

Ever feel like your daily life is a little like Groundhog Day? Breaking out of your routines and trying new things are what make us feel alive. Things such as surfing, hiking up volcanoes, cycling through rice fields, diving with Manta Rays, even just travelling solo to a foreign country- these are all incredible experiences that build your confidence and self esteem. Look at the world with fresh eyes and remember what it’s like to feel that childlike enthusiasm and awe for yourself! This will inspire you to continue to break out of your comfort zones when you’re back home too, and remember- spontaneity is the spice of life.

Remember, you deserve it…

The last two years have impacted everyone, however, in many cases, mothers have had to take on a great deal of additional roles and responsibilities. Many women have had to learn to work from home and also juggle homeschooling. Statistics show that stress and burnout amongst women in general and mothers in particular has skyrocketed during the pandemic.

Our lovely retreat guest and new mum last week was also a nurse and she understood the tell tale signs of burnout that were affecting her as a new mum. Rather than ‘battle on through’ like so many women feel they need to do, this young mum decided to take time out to nurture herself, to fill up her cup, to tick off some bucketlist adventures and return home as the best version of herself, ready to be the best mum possible.

Mum guilt is real, however its hold is much more powerful when you water it and let it grow.

When you face it and challenge it head on, guess what? You can overcome it! You’ll prove to yourself that you can enjoy, and do deserve, time and space for yourself too. Overcoming mum guilt doesn’t just free you up to live a more balanced life, it also allows for a happier and healthier family dynamic.

If you’re ready to challenge your own mum guilt and escape on a solo luxury women’s retreat, we’re here to support you and cheerlead you on every step of the way on your luxury Bali retreat.

Hear from some of the mothers that have joined us on retreat and what they have gained from their experience…

“That inner voice of “not needing to do it” was proven so wrong and I was shown the amazing value of coming together with a group of women, being nourished with yummy food, trying new activities together, and having the freedom to do as we each desired. 

When we started the retreat something was shared that has stuck with me…that retreats are not just for recharging or resetting, but also to try new things. It may sound simple, but I loved that. It was an opportunity to try something new, and how often in our adult lives do we really allow ourselves to try new things?

I see all the other reviews that highlight how amazing the spa therapists are, the food, the space, the experience, and I couldn’t agree more. So whether looking to try something new, have amazing spa treatments, indulge in solo time, connect with other like minded women, or just be as you need to be, you can literally have all of it!”

Piper, Nov 2021

“I just finished a beautiful mama retreat with Escape Haven. It was an amazing time to reconnect with myself, relax and try new things with other like minded women. The food prepared by chef Witana and Mama Putu was delicious, as well as the cooking class. Also all details such as setting the table, having your room prepared for the night and general atmosphere was just incredible. My first Yin Yoga experience with Frankie was very eye opening and something I will keep doing on a weekly basis. I also had my first Abyangha treatment that left my mind and soul deeply relaxed. I will highly recommend this retreat to women looking to unwind and get a break from everyday life and leave with renewed energy.”

Nadia, Nov 2021