We recently had a beautiful guest Katrina stay with us at Escape Haven on a healing retreat. She had booked the retreat for July, and tragically, her husband passed away unexpectedly just days before her retreat date was booked.
Katrina delayed her visit, and joined us in October. Of course, the pain, shock and grief was still very much with her. There was also another emotion Katrina was battling with. Guilt. She had all these voices in her head that told her it was still too soon to come on retreat, too soon to be happy or joyous, too soon to move on or let go.
Katrina’s week on retreat was incredibly transformational. Once she was able to let go of that guilt and open up, she moved through so much of the trauma she had been experiencing and found a way to really let go and take some steps forwards.
Katrina inspired us all with her strength, courage and openness. She shared this blog post with us below. You can also scroll down to listen to her heartfelt testimonial of her time on retreat and how it supported her here.
Katrina’s Healing Retreat Journey
Three days after my husband died, I was supposed to be getting on a plane to Bali to go on a retreat to Escape Haven. My trip was to recognise a year since my second breast cancer diagnosis. I clearly wasn’t meant to go at that time and the universe had other plans for me.
When my husband died, I knew that the only way I was going to get through my grief journey was to love myself through it and going to Escape Haven was one way to give me some time and space on my own to help heal my broken heart.
So last week I went on that trip, even though there were a million voices in my head telling me why I shouldn’t go. It’s too early. Your kids need you. It’s selfish to put your needs first like that. You’re not allowed to find happiness and joy. That’s a crazy idea.
When I first arrived, I realised how difficult it was for me to be open to receiving the love and support that was around me. I felt closed off and guarded and for the first few days it felt really uncomfortable to be held and looked after in this way. I wanted to say no to things that made me feel good, like massages. I felt uncomfortable when people offered to do things for me or went out of their way to support me. I cried on my yoga mat each morning and each afternoon, and I cried every time someone hugged me or held my hand.
My word for the week became OPEN and so I focused on opening up and softening. Allowing the negative emotions, the shame, guilt and years of conditioning to wash over me. I told myself it was ok to feel good. It was ok to feel love and support. It was ok to bring pleasure and joy into my life again. It was ok to live life.
When I started to open and soften, I didn’t realise just how much emotional stress I had been carrying until I gave myself permission to let it all go. I didn’t realise just how much I was trying to hold everything together for myself and my boys and how the space I created for myself triggered the biggest release of emotion.
The staff at Escape Haven became like family to me. They are incredibly beautiful people and they met me where I was. They understood me and they created a safe space for me to be raw and vulnerable. I was met with smiling faces each day and I am so thankful to them all.
The staff warmly invited me into their hearts and allowed me to immerse myself in their culture, their rituals, prayers and ceremonies. I cried and I laughed and I felt so loved and supported. It was the perfect place to heal and take time to process the waves of emotion.
I have come back from Bali feeling more empowered, stronger and more resilient and a deeper sense of inner peace and calm. My kids have also noticed a difference in me, the anger I was carrying around like heavy baggage has gone.
It became very clear to me while I was away and finding time on my own, how badly my nervous system had been impacted by the trauma of the last few months. Our kids can read our nervous systems way better than they read our facial expressions or our voices. We are the emotional barometers of the household and when I found myself being the only adult in the house after my husband died, I knew my energy mattered more than ever, and I was in control of setting the energy for the whole house. This trip gave me the opportunity to reset my nervous system and reduce the emotional stress I had been carrying for so long.
So, I brought home this beautiful new energy from Bali, I bottled it in my heart and carried it home for my boys and I to enjoy together in our home. To me that is the greatest gift I could have ever wished for.
My time at Escape Haven reminded me that even amongst the pain and sadness, life is truly beautiful and it’s ok to laugh and find joy again.
Life is an interesting journey, full of ups and downs. If we allow ourselves to surrender and trust, knowing that all of life is happening for us, and all our experiences, no matter how painful, are a gift, we can truly grow and evolve beyond our wildest dreams.
Hear from Katrina on her recent Healing Retreat journey here:
Are you ready for a Healing Retreat in beautiful Bali?
If you feel like you could benefit from a healing retreat in Bali where you have the time, space and support to move through a grieving process, we would love to welcome you. We have an experience specific to healing and grief retreats.
