A few weeks ago I turned 50! Here’s a few photos of my surprise birthday lunch with my girlfriends here in Bali last Sunday.

jen bday

The Surprise Birthday Lunch

A lunch that they had originally suggested doing and I said I thought it was a terrible idea, more to follow!

Like all chapter changes it forced a bit of reflection which is rare for me as normally I am looking forward, thinking ‘what next?’

Why did I hate the idea of a Janine birthday lunch? I find birthdays quite triggering – I started out life as an orphan so they are a funny time for me.

I can be honest with my girlfriends so simply when they suggested celebrating I told them I hated that idea, lol!

However like all good friends who know and want the best for you, they knew I’d end up loving it so progressed despite my protests and called it ‘Janines not birthday celebration’.

In the meantime I did manage to escape to the Maldives on a very belated (4 years belated) honeymoon with my husband.

When I came back the surprise Sunday for me happened which was beautiful and I did a speech on my recent birthday reflections which I thought I’d share part of it with you below, in the hope it may resonate.

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Standing in front of my beautiful friends, I thought about my journey over this past decade how I started it out single, globe trotting with a thriving business that I was deeply passionate about and a home in Bali complete with two overly loved dogs.

Yet, it felt like *something was missing*.

I decided finally at 40 that I wanted someone to share life with. Something that would further enrich the beautiful life I was living. SO I opened myself to letting someone in.

Along came Mr T, a year later at 41, my now husband and we both knew almost immediately that this was something special and off he moved to Bali to be with me and build a life together.

A proposal followed and I gave birth a few years later in my mid forties to two beautiful girls, Indii and 18 months later, Talullah.

I wanted to share this first bit as meeting your soul mate in your 40s, having kids at mid 40s is supposedly not possible or a low probability. More on breaking this societal conditioning below.

Next was a life threatening illness that followed the babies arriving and it made me take stock of what was truly important and a renewed focus of what wasn’t.

I went from being very active to recovering from this illness over the course of a few years.

It forced me to slow down. To prioritise.

I worked less, I spent more time on my health, my family, my friends and self development. I filled up my tank and I felt good doing it.

The last few years of this decade saw me watch too many friends lose their husbands. I don’t think you are ever prepared for those phone calls, watching your beautiful friends mourn their husbands at their cremations, funerals and scattering of the ashes. It all feels so unfair.

Age-Related Fears and Breaking Free

On retreat I have met so many remarkable women who have also been through great loss of kids, husbands, best friends and family members.

Again, I felt profound shifts happen due to this. i looked at where I was spending my time and if I was truly making the most of the precious time I had knowing that there were no guarantees in how many summers I had with those I loved.

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Challenging Limiting Beliefs

I shared in my speech how a trick I often do when I feel myself spending time in the wrong areas is to imagine myself as an 80 year old woman being given the gift of reliving some of my favorite moments, my mind goes to:

This helps me focus on the things that truly matter in life, and let go of the ones that distract me form the important stuff – the time wasting stuff that in the end doesn’t matter.

When I reflect back on this decade my word for it is Belonging.

There has been no decade as soul enriching or meaningful than this one.

None where I have felt more connected to myself, my community, what I do and to my family.

Being able to truly live in the essence of ‘longer tables not higher fences’ and sharing this life with so many.

I hope through sharing a little of my journey through my forties, it may help inspire some of you that may feel restricted by societies disfunctional age beliefs that we have been conditioned by.

I know the force of dogma and how easy it would have been for me to be in a dramatically different place still being in the corporate world in a life I had built for myself but didn’t love, or settling for someone and getting the big mortgage and home with the white picket fence. I’m so glad I flipped the switch.

The Illusion of “Too Late”

Here’s some of these age related fears that I know comes up for a lot of guests when they share their stories.

Too old for kids

Too old for meeting your soul mate – all the good ones are taken anyway or want younger women

To late to follow my passion and change careers – I’ve invested so much time and money in what I do and even though I don’t love it, its what I do and pays the mortgage

Too late to move countries, start out on my own and build a dream business

Too old to retrain

Too old for the gym

The holistic psychologist sums it up so well:

‘We glorify under 30 as if life is a race. There’s no list for ‘met someone and build a healthy relationship over 40. There’s no list for following your passion and quit the job that drained your soul at 50 or moving across the country at 60 to build a better life’

And there should be!

Often people can feel so disillusioned with life yet it’s because they are following someone else’s blueprint and not taking the steps to follow what’s really in their heart.

The truth is we can all start over at any age, at any time. Too late is just an illusion based upon societal norms.

Leaning In to the New Decade

As you take stock of your year, as we all will be doing in a matter of weeks, I encourage you to ask yourself if you are happy with your blueprint for the following year or if you are about to follow someone else’s or societies expectations of what you should do.

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As for my new decade change – my words are to ‘lean in’.

For me this means setting the course to really feel my way through life and less thinking my way through it.

To do more of what makes my heart beat faster and continue to work on keeping my heart open as I stumble and fall trying out new experiences and deeper love and acceptance.

If you’ve made it with me to the end, well done!

I hope my birthday musings resonated with you in some way as you start to close of this 2023 chapter and set up your 2024. Please share with me your word for 2023 or what you’d like it to be for 2024.

With love, Jen (Escape Haven Founder) and Chief Happiness Officer.

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