Returning to where it all started

I often get asked about how I set up Escape Haven and tell a very short version in the opening ceremonies I attend.

Last week, being back in the place where this crazy idea all took place I felt inspired to write a series (being a bit extra, lol!) on how it actually happened, in more detail than I can share whenever I’m asked what led me to today. 

Part 1 – Coming Undone in Bali

It’s funny to think I’m here at Como, 18 years after I first stumbled across this incredible place high up in the jungles of Ubud, Bali. The place that set me on the path to Bali. 

The place that birthed the crazy idea that changed the course of my entire life and led me to start Escape Haven Bali. It ignited my 18 year love affair with this beautiful island that I now call home.

This place and whenever I return to it, serves as an incredibly special space for me. Not dissimilar to a person that became the biggest influence over your life, for me that was a place. My sliding doors moment if you like, my lucky star, my biggest teacher and source of inspiration, the place of my undoing so I could set fire to the old version of me and step into my new path. A path that would take me on a radical departure from the one I had always known and believed was my destiny.

Back then I was a 32 year old single woman approaching burn out, confused and disillusioned by the corporate dream she had been sold.  Wanting to feel more but unsure what that ‘more’ was. Recognising that she was putting her best years, energy and focus into something that was building someone else’s dream – faceless shareholders, an unrelenting board – people that weren’t vested in if I was living my best version or were truly happy, just if the profit and bottom line looked good or not.

So here I was in a disheveled heap, sitting across the desk from an Ayurveda Dr in this resort 18 years ago. Being told my eyes were ‘wired’, that belonged to someone so high on adrenaline that she was burning out her very soul. Like a battery that was short circuiting from too much energy running through it.

It was the start of unlearning that the ladder I was climbing to reach this elusive feeling of success was indeed leaning against the wrong wall. 

I wondered how I ended up here?

It was a radical departure from my fast life in fashion in Sydney. 

I looked back at the Dr’s well meaning concern and agreed to sign up to this Ayurveda, yoga and meditation package. I knew I needed to do ‘something’ even if this felt HUGELY out of my comfort zone.

So I did. I signed up and I showed up. 

I can’t say I was a great retreat guest at first, fighting the process of slowing down – feeling grossly uncomfortable having people look after me, nurture me. Letting go of control.  – eek! It felt scary, Little miss perfectionist was *waaaaaaay* outside of her comfort zone.

What I began discovering though was by leaning into this discomfort and saying yes, I started creating space in my monkey mind, allowing an alternative reality to spark, allowing the whispers of a new path to be heard louder and clearer.

Feeling the potency of the potential –  beyond the fear of dogma that had shackelled  me to a path I thought was required of me. That I thought would make me happy once I climbed that ladder to the elusive place of success.

Perhaps that would fill the deep chasm of discontentment I felt.

Only to discover…. it didn’t.

It took 10 days at this jungle wellness resort, of saying yes to slowing down my monkey mind with new things like yoga, meditation and Ayurveda. 

An uncomfortable process that bought sweet relief, space and a startling realization that the path I was on was one that wasn’t making me happy. 

So why would I continue to trade my happiness for success?

That’s the great thing about retreats, they allow you to press pause on everything you’ve given all your time and energy to. Naturally this creates alot of space for you to ask the big questions, to take stock or where you are and importantly decide where it is you want to go. It can be such a discovery process as by stepping back from the daily routine and autopilot life we create, we can see things for what they are, not what we have become used to accepting as ‘life’.

That was what was happening for me –  and in that space I recognized something really pivotal….that I was INDEED on the wrong path and I needed to make some REALLY big changes….

Part 2 – The Awakening

It happened on day 5 after my daily meditation yoga and meditation class. Like always, I was having breakfast but this time, I felt different. I wondered what it was that I was feeling – it felt foreign to me.

After a while pondering this I came to the startling realization

This feeling was ‘happiness’.

Good grief… how long have I been unhappy for I wondered?

When did I get to the point that my happy go lucky essence evaporated and how did I not even notice?

All the conquering, striving, perfectionism in my bid to success cost me the very essence of who I am and a densensitisation of sorts where I became so far removed from my emotions and what good felt like that this slope I’d slipped down went unnoticed.

When I looked back I often cite this very moment as my ‘pivot point’. A moment in time that served as a clear turning point between the old me and my new path towards the future me. An awakening of sorts an understanding that something HAD to change.

I knew then with so much clarity and conviction, that I was NOT on the right path.

The question now was what was my new one?

I asked the waiter for a pen and on the back of a paper serviette started jotting down ideas.

I knew that there must be many women out there that are facing similar circumstances – trading career success for happiness causing their burn out that could benefit from pressing pause on their busy life and dedicating some time to filling up their tank.

I recognised the transformation I was going through – the potent wellness  combination of yoga, meditation, whole foods, spa treatments and Ayurveda healing –  it allowed me the mental space to think beyond my day to day.

Over the course of those 5 days my shoulders dropped, my breathing changed, my mood elevated, my creativity ignited and I saw so much possibility for myself. My whole nervous system calmed and I slept better than I had it a long as I could remember.

And as this happened a little seed of possibility starting growing in this space – a cheeky idea that started brewing and excitement pulsed through my veins – was this a pipe dream or the makings of an amazing new idea….and would I be brave enough to follow through on it?

Part 3 – Igniting the Dream

I left the Hotel with a new idea ignited within me. A daring dream I knew I needed to realise.

I didn’t know ‘the how’ exactly but I was certain of one thing – 

I couldn’t continue on my current path that was draining my soul.

I recongised that creating a luxurious space for women, one that focused on pressing pause from the busyness of life, unshackling ourselves from all the labels and responsibilities we carried, allowing someone else to make decisions on our life for 1 week, would be incredibly life changing.

That concept of creating mental space to gain powerful perspectives on life – I felt like I’d found my ikigai and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I returned to Sydney with a mission to quit my job! And to move to Brazil to set up what I’d called ‘The Haven’ in a tiny little beach town north of Fortleza Cumbuco to open a watersports and yoga retreat for busy successful women.

I’d been to Brazil a few years before and loved the energy of the country and people. I thought it would be a great place to set up my retreat.

I couldn’t wait to return to work the next day and begin my exciting new chapter….

But life had other plans in store for me….