The moment that stopped me mid-breath
I’ve just come back from 10 days in Thailand. Between sunrise practice and quiet afternoons, I sat for a few sessions with an Indian monk. On day three he dropped some wisdom that changed the way I looked at so much of the way I was living my life. He said, “Your nervous system has only two modes: survival or aliveness. We cannot be in both at once.”
“Only two?” I asked.
“Only two,” he nodded. “Survival plans, pleases, perfects and protects. Aliveness softens, feels, loves and lives.”
As babies we lived entirely in aliveness. Then love began to feel conditional, so many of us got clever with pleasing, rebelling, or perfecting. Impressive on the surface but expensive underneath.
The image I can’t unsee
“Imagine the mind as an anxious parent,” he said, tapping his temple. “And the body as an emotional child.”
“My parent runs the whole house,” I winced.
“And your child?”
“Mostly behaved. Sometimes melts down.” lol.
He nodded. “And the moments you feel most alive? The child was leading.”
How you know the child is leading
I asked him how to recognise it when your body was leading.
You fall in love – the whole system opens and softens.
You’re immersed in something you truly care about – time widens and you feel in flow.
You’re triggered – old feelings rise asking to be felt.
You’ve burned out – the body pulls the handbrake and demands rest. This can manifest itself in illness, autoimmune, weight gain, fatigue.
Your body will also tell you in quieter ways: breath drops into the belly, jaw lets go, shoulders slide down, time feels wider and less rushed and you feel this child like wonder and lightness, more joy.
Nourishing, not numbing
When the child leads, she reaches for what is nourishing, not numbing. We become masters at distraction when we are wanting to avoid things. Yes, when we are in our bodies, we gift ourselves what we really need.
A nap instead of another coffee. A walk instead of a doom scroll on social media. Soup instead of skipping lunch. She asks for help, she feels for what you need. She says no without apology. She laughs, sings and writes. She might cry for 40 seconds and then feel lighter.
The 60-second wave that changed everything
He gave me a tiny practice that reshaped my retreat and my return home. When I feel a wave of emotion to ride that wave by doing the following:
- Hand to heart, hand to belly
- Name the feeling out loud: sad, anxious, angry
- Breathe in for 4, out for 6
- Soften the face, drop the shoulders
- Stay for one minute
“Waves rise and fall in 40 to 60 seconds,” he said. “It isn’t the grief that exhausts you, it’s the running from it.” Yet when we run from something, it sets off a cascade of emotions and keeps circling back. We can choose to keep avoiding it and distracting ourselves or turn and ride the wave.
I tried it in Thailand, then on the plane and then at my desk. Every time, something unclenched and it didn’t cascade into something else. I felt empowered realising I now had a simple yet very powerful tool to help me confront and transform what was unknowingly controlling me in unhealthy ways.
He gave me advice on how to apply this to the retreat I was on:
On retreat
- Choose the gentler class because that’s what your body wants
- Let yourself tear up in savasana
- Phone off at breakfast and actually taste your food
- Book the massage you keep saving for later and don’t critique if its strong enough or not. See it as a gift for my inner child.
- Float in the pool instead of squeezing in one more workshop
- Go to bed early and call don’t feel guilty about it.
At home
- Step outside for morning light
- Place a hand on heart and belly before opening the laptop
- Cancel the plan you don’t have capacity for
- Ask for a hug
- Choose connection over proving
The reframe I’m keeping close
I am not earning care – I am receiving it.
This is the heart of retreat: a gentle rehearsal for another way of living. Less striving, more belonging and being.
An invitation
We see so many of our beautiful guests on retreat in Bali arrive in quiet armour – pleasing, perfecting, pushing – your body (the child within) has always been waiting for space to feel. Then after a week of receiving and allowing your body to lead – the lightness, joy and laughter that flows. The creativity, ideas and confidence that grows is such a highlight to witness.
Retreat is the rehearsal space for this work. Zero perfection or guilt and lots of opportunity to practice. We’d love to welcome you to experience this. See upcoming dates or Chat to our team here.
Escape Haven Founder